[2023-10-30] the ezra song

I started writing “the ezra song” while I was FaceTiming a guy I was dating long distance. The original chorus was pretty sappy and referenced Union Station because he was living in DC at the time. I’d take the train down from NYC and he’d meet me at the station, and I’d put my head on his shoulder as we took the metro home.

Our first date was a full day hike in Virginia. He picked me up from my house and drove two hours to the start of the trail. It was icy and he nearly slipped off a cliff (what a first date that would’ve been), but a nearby dad grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him back up. He made me dinner afterwards, and to date, the most crispy and delicious chicken sandwich I’ve ever eaten was one that he made at home. We took turns taking smaller and smaller bites, dramatically insisting the other person finish it off, until there was only a crumb left and we were cackling so hard we couldn’t breathe.

Like a lot of songs that I write, this one took a sad turn almost immediately after I started it. Not because the relationship crashed, but just because in my head, such a romantic beginning had to transition towards a bittersweet middle for it to be a worthwhile song. (To this day, I’m not sure how we wrote “Manhattanhenge.”) Mike and I wrote slowly, and we debated the merits of having a different structure, or a bridge, or more instruments or harmonies.

In the end, the song wrote itself. It’s hard to disentangle the timing of the relationship unraveling from the arc of the song lyrics. Sometimes, the song mirrors reality. And other times, reality mirrored the song.

"What do you say we meet again?"

We did meet again, several times after things ended. As exes, then friends, then ambiguously more than friends, then friends again, and most recently, as acquaintances who know a bit too much about each other.

Some days, I really believe I might never feel as strongly towards someone as I did towards “Ezra.” It was an obsessive, euphoric, head-over-heels kind of feeling that I still don’t know if I would consider love.

We might cross paths again. In the meantime, there are much more precious people in my life to treasure. And one day, we’ll meet again for the last time.